Sorry if I've neglected this space for a bit. It was a busy month, although not with the usual holiday BS one would expect.
I actually had my best personal month fantasy-wise, although New Year's weekend was a huge let down. While December was a cash cow, January already looks like a hole I'll have to dig out from under.
I've been struggling for a few weeks over writing this post. It's personal. I don't like to go off point too much here. I try to protect my privacy somewhat, but I think writing about what's going on in my life helps me process things.
For the first time in a LONG time, I let myself get involved in a relationship. To be honest, I've been doing much more end of life planning than the "build a life together" stuff. I know what a hassle closing an estate can be - I want to be prepared for that when the other shoe drops on me.
Most of my friends that have asked for relationship advice know my oft quoted mantra, "Relationships are overrated." I have had little to no success in this area and the majority of my social circle haven't fared much better. I see the misery a soured affair brings to one of my crew.
And then, I met Lauren.
Somehow this woman comes into my life. Very attractive, age appropriate, not perfect by any means. I never spent time with her considering the prospect of a relationship. But she always managed to say the things I always looked for in a prospective mate.
If possibility was a locked door, she found the crack in it and busted it wide open. My usual pessimistic self was put on the back burner for a more optimistic version.
After about two months in, things began to unravel. While I never asked for a committed relationship, Lauren's words didn't jibe with her actions. My Spidey sense started tingling and what was her huge house of cards came crashing down.
Simply put, this woman was (is) a compulsive liar. She completely deceived me as to what was going on in her life, so much so that she ended up in jail for the last week. It's really too bad, because her honesty at some point would've ended up with me helping her probably avoiding that whole situation. Now it's out of my hands.
I struggle with the notion of how much of her was genuine towards me. 50%? 10%? Zero? Who really knows.
The only positive thing I can take from this is that deep down... Way down, I'm still open to not living my life alone. I accept that I'll most likely spend the rest of my years riding solo. But it's nice to think that I'm not totally shut off to the opportunity, should one arise.
Now back to our regularly scheduled blogging.