Sunday, February 06, 2011

Deep Thoughts: I Feel Like A Brilliant Man Who Is Incredibly Stupid

Blah. Best description I can come up with right now.

I've been trying to write this post for a few days. With a slew of snow storms hammering the northeast, depression is running high amongst the locals. I think everyone has a bout of seasonal affective disorder (or SAD for short) once a year.

The lack of sunshine and cold temps really seemed to hit me hard lately. I work from home so I can take comfort in my man cave, but you can't stay in the bio-dome forever.

However, it's not hard to overcome the winter blues by themselves. When you pile them on your other issues, then you have a nice, tall shit sandwich.

I'm not going to launch into a "woe is me" tirade, because I have a life many people would trade for in a heartbeat. For a single guy in Buffalo I'm living pretty high on the hog. I'm fortunate that I don't fall prey to needing all of the toys (or bling) to make my existence "significant".

In fact one of the few things I'm proud of is that my recent blessings of abundance haven't changed me much at all.

What I struggle with these days is my identity. I'm not sure how much of this is self-esteem related. I think it's more about what I'm involved in or engaged with at the moment.

Let's face it - most days I goof around on the Internet. I do make specific commitments to certain activities - fantasy sports, horse betting, blogging.

So when someone new asked me Friday "What do you do?", I still don't know what to say.

-I'm a professional horse player?
-Fantasy sports guru/occasional swinging dick?
-None of your goddamn business?

I usually go with the standard, "I work for myself. Internet marketing. (PAUSE) And it's not porn."

I do think my social skills suck, which may actually be the self-esteem manifesting itself.

But the fact I don't have a "go to" response pretty much shows I'm not really INVESTED in anything right now. (As I said before I know peeps that would very much like that situation.)

I feel that I'm trying to protect myself for making any mistakes with my life by NOT taking any risks (financial or otherwise).

I'm a smart guy but I feel it's stupid to do nothing significant with my life.

In other words, I'm a decision nit.

3 comments:

Dr. Pauly said...

Sometimes you over think and should just be. Or that's what some Zen monk said centuries ago, but monks didn't have the ponies or March Madness.

Identity is a complex subject that has stumped philosophers, politicians, artists, and gamblers.

Here's my TOP 10 answers that you should say when someone asks what you do for a living...


1. Act like a snobby aristocrat: "I'm well kept."

2. Be honest: "I got my mind on my money, and my money on my mind."

3. Be slick: "I'm a futures speculator."

4. Be nerdy: "I'm a web entrepreneur."

5. Be humble: "I work in math. It's so unexciting that I'd put you to sleep talk about how boring it is."

6. Be a douche: "I gamble. On my business card's title it says: PRO GAMBLER, BIATCH!"

7. Be obscure pop culturish: "I sell propane or propane accessories."

8. Lie, but shoot big: "I'm a hedge fund manager."

9. Lie, but be funny: "I'm a Montie, working under cover to bust up a huge international gambling ring and bring down Russ Hamilton, eh."

10. Be honest: "I'm still trying to figure all that out. But for now, what do I do? Well, if you really want to know..."

Buffalo66 said...

Hah, maybe I need to practice this during the afternoon shift at the Rhino.

lemoyneken said...

I'd go with "International Man of Mystery". Simple and truthful both to others and yourself. Whatever you come up with, you should make business cards to hand out when someone asks.